What is it like for siblings who have a brother or sister with PDA?

Siblings who have a brother or sister with PDA can have fun together and enjoy spending time together. However, siblings also say that things at home can sometimes feel confusing. Their brother or sister may get very upset when asked to do everyday things, like getting dressed, stopping a game, or going somewhere.

What causes PDA?

PDA is linked to autism, but it can be quite different from what people expect autism to be like. It is to do with how the brain works.

People are born autistic, and scientists are learning more about PDA every day. It is not because they are choosing to behave badly – it is not their fault.

What are demands?

PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance.

A demand is when someone expects you to do something, like:

• “Put your shoes on”
• “Tidy your room”
• “Come and eat now”

People with PDA find demands very hard, even when the thing being asked is something they usually like or want to do.

This may mean they:

• Get upset or say “no” when told what to do
• Feel much better when something is their idea
• Find it hard to stop or change activities
• Struggle when they lose or when things feel unfair
• Avoid places or activities that have felt uncomfortable before
• Find noise, crowds, or busy places hard to cope with

Most people don’t like being told what to do sometimes, but someone with PDA feels this much more strongly. It can cause really big feelings, like anxiety or panic, because it can feel like they are losing control.

What help is there?

There are lots of ways to help someone with PDA feel calmer and safer.

Things that may help include:

• Giving choices, so they feel in control
• Making things feel playful, not bossy
• Letting them decide how or when to do something
• Joining in with them and following their ideas
• Using their interests to make activities more fun
• Choosing quiet, familiar places when possible
• Explaining why something needs to happen
• Offering comfort, such as sitting nearby or giving reassurance

With the right understanding and support, things can get easier.

This has been read and approved for publication by the PDA Society on 15.05.26 and will be reviewed and updated every 2 years.