Worries

All children worry from time about things in their life, and some children worry more than others. Siblings can worry about things like their brother or sister's health, about bringing other children home, about not doing well at school, and a whole host of other things. Here are 3 simple activities that can really help your child talk about worries and to have a place and time when they can be dealt with.

Worry box

Decorate a small box with a lid. This can be a fun craft activity in itself. The box can be covered in anything from football stickers to glitter and feathers. Taking time to make it look right will help your child feel that it has a special purpose. Put a tiny notepad with easily removable pages and a pen into the box.

When a worry or troubling thought comes into their mind, siblings can write it down on a piece of paper and put it in the box. At the end of the day they can take them out and talk about them with you. If it is hard to do this each day, then make a date on the calendar that week when you can give it your time and attention. Make sure you are not interrupted when you talk to your child.

Worries can be put into 4 categories:

1. Things the sibling worries about but that never happen - acknowledge the worry then get him/her to throw it away. For example, a worry about the sibling themselves getting cerebral palsy or Down syndrome.
2. Things the sibling doesn't like but cannot be changed by anyone -acknowledge the worry then throw it away. For example, the fact that their brother or sister has a life-long disability such as autism.
3. Things that can be sorted out by others - acknowledge the worry then ask another person to help. For example, worry about not having got some homework done – asking parent to talk to school about home issues.
4. Things that can be changed by the sibling - acknowledge the worry then take some action on it. For example, worry about having shouted at their brother or sister – going and saying sorry and giving a hug.

Dividing worries into categories allows siblings to let go of those things no-one can change and to take action on the things that can be changed. This could be something you could role model for your sibling child by doing it too.

Worry dolls

Another lovely activity to help with worries is to use Guatemalan worry dolls. They are tiny little dolls that come in a box or a bag and can bought in many fair-trade shops or online.

NB The dolls are very tiny so you will need to make sure they are safe for all of your children to have around.

The instructions with them say 'If you have a problem, then share it with a worry doll. Before going to bed, tell one worry to each doll, then place them beneath your pillow. Whilst you sleep, the dolls will take your worries away!'

Young children really like using these. Some older children like to write their worries down at night instead.

Think of 6 good things

This activity is one that can be followed on from either of the above. Each night before the sibling goes to sleep, ask him or her to tell you 6 things that they have enjoyed about the day. These don't have to be big things. Here are some examples – the nice pudding at lunchtime, when my friend said well done, when granny gave me a hug, watching Dr Who, playing football in the park, getting a sticker at school, my brother smiling at me, being sunny outside, etc. The purpose of this activity is to get the sibling in a relaxed and positive state before going to sleep. The mood chemicals in our brains change depending on what we think about, and when we think about positive things that creates more of the 'feel good' chemicals. Something for parents to do too!