Embarrassment

Many siblings feel embarrassed by their brother or sister, and this is most likely when you are in a public place. For younger children this can be when their brother or sister screams, or pulls something down, or when they see people staring. For teenage siblings, it doesn't take much for them to feel embarrassed, maybe feeling embarrassed about their brother or sister at home as well as when in public. They may feel uncomfortable about friends seeing 'disability' equipment or being present when an older child is being fed by a parent, for example. For some children, being seen to be 'different' is very uncomfortable indeed.

How you can help

Think back to when you were younger, and remember what it was like to feel embarrassed as a child. It can help to be reminded of just how awful embarrassment is. This will help you see your child's viewpoint.
Think about how you feel when people stare. Are you comfortable with that or do you feel embarrassed too? If you tend to feel very uncomfortable when you are out, your children are likely to pick this up from you. What can you do to feel more easygoing about being out with your children?
Do you do anything when you are out that increases your sibling child's embarrassment - like shouting at people who stare or complaining loudly to the manager? If so, what could you change about the way you deal with things?
Talk to your child about embarrassment. Let him or her know it is a normal feeling and that you know it is uncomfortable. Talk about the situations that cause embarrassment and if there are things he or she would like you to do.
Explain that people do stare, and in most cases are curious rather than rude or mean. Some families have a card with some information about the disability on it, which they give to people who ask questions or make inappropriate comments. This can be helpful with conditions where there is challenging behaviour.
Ask siblings to tell you if they think people are staring – it helps to be able to tell someone.
Tell siblings that it helps to think about the good things that are happening and to really focus on those – like the shops, the activity, the people you are with, the food…
Sometimes it can help a sibling to be able to bring a supportive friend when you go out - so they feel that at least someone else understands. This can also mean that if the disabled child has an epileptic fit or has a tantrum or starts crying loudly, sibling and friend can do a bit of window shopping together until things have settled down.
There may be times when your can give your sibling child a choice about whether they come out or stay at home or with a friend.
There are no right and wrong ways of dealing with embarrassment - you need to find strategies that work for you and your sibling child