Adult siblings have a range of experiences and feelings and the following are those which are regularly reported by adults who contact Sibs. If you are a sibling, this may be the first time you have read about experiences similar to your own. If you need to talk to someone about this please contact us
Isolation
- Not knowing that adult siblings have many experiences in common
- Never having met and spoken to another sibling before
- Not being able to share your sibling experiences with family or friends
Difficult feelings
- Resentment about the impact of disability on childhood and life choices
- Guilt for feeling anger or resentment
- Overwhelming feelings of sadness and loss
- Depression and/or anxiety
- Jealousy of parental attention to your brother or sister
- Feelings of shame and secrecy about your brother or sister's disability
Care issues
- Worry about what will happen with regard to future care.
- Caring for your brother or sister or helping parents with care
- Trying to juggle your own responsibilities towards your children and your work, as well as care for your brother or sister, and often an elderly parent too
- Not having enough information about support for carers or how to access services for your brother or sister
- Making sure your brother or sister is treated with dignity and respect in hospital
- Wanting to make sure your brother or sister has a good quality of life
Relationship with parents
- Resentment that a parent cannot go out for the day with you, help you with your own children, or make you the focus of attention on a special occasion
- Feeling that your brother or sister still comes first all the time, even in conversation
- Difficulty in talking to your parent/s about the future
- Conflict with parent/s over care issues such as clothes, medication, age appropriate social activities, behaviour management.
- Anger towards your parent/s that you have not been able to express
- Resentment that parent and other family members have made assumptions about your role in future care, for example, that your brother or sister disabled person will live with you
- Feeling obliged to provide support and help but not really wanting to do that
- Feeling the need to achieve for your parent's sake
- Providing ongoing emotional support for parent/s
Relationship with your brother or sister
- Chronic sorrow for the loss of the brother or sister you would like to have/have had
- Bereavement following the death of your brother or sister, even if it happened in your childhood
- Loss of the relationship with your brother or sister if he or she went to live in a residential setting in childhood
- Having to be your brother or sister's main friend and companion
- Anger towards your brother or sister that you have not been able to express
- Having to help your brother or sister deal with parental loss
- Worry about how to make sure your brother or sister is safe and is not abused or bullied
- Developing your own life and potential
- Feeling unworthy of getting attention in your own right
- Worry about having a child with a disability or chronic illness
- Concern about introducing a new partner to your family
- Concern about how potential in-laws will react when they find out that there is disability in the family
- Not feeling a sense of control over your own life
- Not feeling able to achieve your goals and ambitions
- Needing to live near to your brother or sister
Unexpected opportunities
- Having developed skills and knowledge through your sibling experiences in areas such as psychology, social care, parenting, teaching, communication, behaviour management, campaigning….
- Bringing the above skills to your work or family life
- Advocating for disabled people
- Taking pride in the achievements and life satisfaction of your brother or sister
- Enjoying the relationship you have with your brother or sister
- Appreciating your own heath and opportunities
- Having insight into the human condition and empathy with others
- Being competent in dealing with practical tasks
- Influencing service provision for disabled people, families and children
- Sharing humour with your family about some of your unusual experiences together
