Can a parent of a sibling run a sibling group?
Many parents ask us if a parent can run a sibling group. They are interested in doing so for a range of reasons, such as:
- Feeling passionate about sibling support
- Wanting to help their own child with sibling issues
- Feeling that if they don’t set a group up nobody else will
- Knowing they have valuable skills and experiences they can bring to the work.
‘The advantages are that parents can give insight to siblings of the problems and feelings parents have in coping with a child with disabilities. They also can come across as more credible to siblings when discussing solutions to problems, particularly as it is likely that their own children will already have experienced problems and emotions brought to the group. The downsides are that after training to address sibling issues, this can evoke feelings of guilt and failure in parents and therefore it is important that the emotional robustness of individual parents is assessed and they are prepared for the issues that this will raise for them personally. Most importantly presence of a parent during group activities can be inhibiting to their own children and therefore structure and agreed intervention strategies need to be pre-arranged with other staff. Ideally for their own children to gain therapeutic benefit from a sibling session, parents should not be present.’
Phil Hazlehurst, sibling group leader and parent of a sibling
If you are a parent of a sibling and are thinking about leading a sibling group we recommend you take some time to think through the following:
Your feelings as a parent
Are you able to remain objective and non-judgmental when siblings talk about issues that you have strong personal views about?
Do you feel resilient enough to be able to listen to siblings sharing their experiences about issues such as being bullied, bereavement or anger towards a parent?
Do you feel confident and comfortable enough in your own parenting skills so that you don’t feel guilty or defensive when siblings raise issues such as lack of parental attention?
Have you dealt with your own issues of grief and disappointment?
Will you feel able to deal with looking at some of the negative impact of being a sibling that will be presented on sibling group leader training?
Will you be able to acknowledge the feelings that siblings have about their disabled brother or sister without feeling the need to stand up for the disabled child?
Your own child
Will your own sibling child feel comfortable having fun with peer group with you there?
Will your own sibling child be happy about you giving attention and time to other siblings?
Siblings in general tend to protect parents from their true feelings about sibling issues and therefore parents should not participate in the discussion activities when their own child is taking part.
Your skills
Have you got the right skills to run a sibling group? Have a look at the skills and knowledge required in our Sibling group leader job description
Back up resources
Have you got the support of an agency – either in the statutory or voluntary sector – to help you with things like CRB checks, meeting health and safety regulations, getting help for a sibling who needs to be referred to a specialist service?
Who will support you when you need to talk through things like plans for the group and responding to issues raised by the siblings?
Time
To set up and run a sibling group requires a substantial amount of time and commitment. What impact will this have on your family, work or time for you?
Have you got lots of energy for activities with young people and for giving them your full attention?
Our recommendations
You need to be emotionally robust in order to run a sibling group
Don't take part in issue based discussion activities where your own child is present
Attend a sibling group leader training day to get the full picture of the skills and time required to running successful a sibling group
Have a chat with one of our sibling group development officers to discuss your role in a sibling group
