Look for good qualities and behaviours in siblings

It's easy when things are tough to ignore the good things that your children are doing and only respond to behaviour you don't like – whether it's squabbling, moaning, dropping things on the floor, or a habit you don't like. Siblings will be glad of any kind of attention in a family where things are very busy. Just make sure that what you give attention for is the right thing. If you only ever give attention to 'bad' or undesirable behaviour, then you'll definitely get more of it.

Try this
Take some time just to observe your child rather than getting involved with what's going on. What are the things your child is doing that you like? Here are some things you could look out for: Being kind, sharing, helping, listening, making something, doing homework, playing well with another child, playing happily alone, doing something you asked them to do, talking in a friendly way….

Even if the behaviour you like only happens for a few seconds, notice it and reward it in some way – immediately.

These are some of the ways you can show you've noticed good behaviour:

• Give your child an affectionate touch or hug
• Smile at your child
• Say 'that's great the way you did that'
• Say 'that's very kind'
• Start a fun activity with your child
• Look pleased
• Or anything else that your child will feel better after

You don't need to make a big deal out of it – just do something pleasant immediately after your child does something you like. If you do this consistently you'll get more of this type of thing happening.