Adult sibling experiences
Adult siblings have a range of experiences and feelings and the following are those which are regularly reported by adults who contact Sibs.
If you are a sibling, this may be the first time you have read about experiences similar to your own. If you need to talk to someone about this please let us know through our
Enquiry form
Isolation
Not knowing that adult siblings have many experiences in common
Never having met and spoken to another sibling before
Not being able to share your sibling experiences with family or friends
Difficult feelings
Resentment about the impact of disability on childhood and life choices
Guilt for feeling anger or resentment
Overwhelming feelings of sadness and loss
Depression and/or anxiety
Jealousy of parental attention to your brother or sister
Feelings of shame and secrecy about your brother or sister's disability
Care issues
Worry about what will happen with regard to future care.
Caring for your brother or sister or helping parents with care
Trying to juggle your own responsibilities towards your children and your work, as well as care for your brother or sister, and often an elderly parent too
Not having enough information about support for carers or how to access services for your brother or sister
Making sure your brother or sister is treated with dignity and respect in hospital
Wanting to make sure your brother or sister has a good quality of life
Relationship with parents
Resentment that a parent cannot go out for the day with you, help you with your own children, or make you the focus of attention on a special occasion
Feeling that your brother or sister still comes first all the time, even in conversation
Difficulty in talking to your parent/s about the future
Conflict with parent/s over care issues such as clothes, medication, age appropriate social activities, behaviour management..
Anger towards your parent/s that you have not been able to express
Resentment that parent and other family members have made assumptions about your role in future care, for example, that your brother or sister disabled person will live with you
Feeling obliged to provide support and help but not really wanting to do that
Feeling the need to achieve for your parent's sake
Providing ongoing emotional support for parent/s
Relationship with your brother or sister
Chronic sorrow for the loss of the brother or sister you would like to have/have had
Bereavement following the death of your brother or sister, even if it happened in your childhood
Loss of the relationship with your brother or sister if he or she went to live in a residential setting in childhood
Having to be your brother or sister's main friend and companion
Anger towards your brother or sister that you have not been able to express
Having to help your brother or sister deal with parental loss
Worry about how to make sure your brother or sister is safe and is not abused or bullied
Developing your own life and potential
Feeling unworthy of getting attention in your own right
Worry about having a child with a disability or chronic illness
Concern about introducing a new partner to your family
Concern about how potential in-laws will react when they find out that there is disability in the family
Not feeling a sense of control over your own life
Not feeling able to achieve your goals and ambitions
Needing to live near to your brother or sister
Unexpected opportunities
Having developed skills and knowledge through your sibling experiences in areas such as psychology, social care, parenting, teaching, communication, behaviour management, campaigning….
Bringing the above skills to your work or family life
Advocating for disabled people
Taking pride in the achievements and life satisfaction of your brother or sister
Enjoying the relationship you have with your brother or sister
Appreciating your own heath and opportunities
Having insight into the human condition and empathy with others
Being competent in dealing with practical tasks
Influencing service provision for disabled people, families and children
Sharing humour with your family about some of your unusual experiences together
